honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
