so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
