so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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