i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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