I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
