Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
