Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
