I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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