im six kinds of drunk right now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
