Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
