a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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