If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
