i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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