I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
