its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
