I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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