he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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