why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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