yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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