thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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