everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
