Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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