I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
