If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
