All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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