I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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