a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
