Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
