I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The ass gains better be worth it
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