I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
