We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So here I am, sexting at work.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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