yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
