I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
