I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
