Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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