You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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