When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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