we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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