are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
