I just pynch a tree in the face
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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