Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
