your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
