Can i not drive my cunt home
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
