420 ftw
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
