There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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