Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
