I am in a vortex of obligation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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