He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
