Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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