three words: i give head
three words: not that well
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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