I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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