Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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