At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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