I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
