I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
