true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
