She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
